大家帮忙看看这篇Personal Statement.Personal Statement:I’m a assiduous,accommodating and humorous girl.I love to study some subjects so as to gain new knowledge.My academic potential is above average level in my present school,and I always h

大家帮忙看看这篇Personal Statement.Personal Statement:I’m a assiduous,accommodating and humorous girl.I love to study some subjects so as to gain new knowledge.My academic potential is above average level in my present school,and I always h
大家帮忙看看这篇Personal Statement.
Personal Statement:
I’m a assiduous,accommodating and humorous girl.I love to study some subjects so as to gain new knowledge.My academic potential is above average level in my present school,and I always help my classmates to improve his studies.Helping each other is a part of my quotidian life,it always brings me much joy as well as some advantages.For example,I help a classmate on his physics,he will also help me on my maths(I’m poor at maths).It’s a reality epitome of “win—win”,it’s also my study method.
My goal is to be one of the most outstanding transperonal psychologists.I want to be a transperonal psychologist like Ken Wilber,Krishnamurti,etc.It’s a sacred job because they have been making people get out of negative,and gain self-confidence again.I believe this job is really suit me.I always keep confident,though I usually fail,it’s a valuable spirit to do this job.I’m not intelligent enough,so I must hardwoking enough so that I can realize my goal.Consequently,I choose to study aboard without the least hesitation,I think it’s a perfect stage to show my genius.I will take every opportunity and try my best.
Thanks a lot.
能否帮忙修改下,内容不需要改,就看是否有语法错误,或单词使用不恰当的,可以再换别的单词~
Thank a million!
也可以修改的再unique,或者语言老练些....因为是去申请国外高中的.....改的好的会有追加...
话说...show my genius可否改成reveal my genius？
呵呵.....是去申请北欧的IB高中....
因为申请的时候人家说写SHORT C.V...所以就搭上一篇SHORT P.S....
还有一个很好奇...为什么quotidian要改daily...不是一样么...

大家帮忙看看这篇Personal Statement.Personal Statement:I’m a assiduous,accommodating and humorous girl.I love to study some subjects so as to gain new knowledge.My academic potential is above average level in my present school,and I always h
so as to ---in order to
his studies---their study
quotidian-daily
at maths--in maths
suit=---suit for
confident--confidence
hardwoking--work haed
申请吧 这样就没问题了
这样写已经很好了 不用太地道 太地道就不像你自己写的了
显得没诚意了就 我侄子申请过这个 我还是有点经验的
你是初中还是高中啊

11月的时候我也是要写personal statement申请大学
我觉得应该多brag yourself 多说好处 最好不要提到坏处（例如 I always keep confident,though I usually fail,I’m not intelligent enough (I’m poor at maths)，另外，math 很少见加s ）
多说点你做过什麽去达...

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11月的时候我也是要写personal statement申请大学
我觉得应该多brag yourself 多说好处 最好不要提到坏处（例如 I always keep confident,though I usually fail,I’m not intelligent enough (I’m poor at maths)，另外，math 很少见加s ）
多说点你做过什麽去达到你想达到的 （例如I will take every opportunity and try my best. 这些是好的）
I believe this job is really suit me.
I believe that this job really suits me
你还可以多讲一点你这个学校会怎样帮到你达到你的理想 （psychologist）
或许你有什麽困难，将来或现在， 你怎麽样克服或者会怎麽克服（英文或许是其中一个？）
总而言之多擡举自己 不过不要过分擡举 毕竟学校想要一个对他们有利的有潜力的学生
自己经验之谈啦
祝你成功！

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第一行，so as to--so that
第三行，his studies--their study
第四行，quotidian--daily
第五行，he will also help me--and he also helps me, 还有最好不要提 I'm poor at math.
第二段My goal is to be one of the most ou...

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第一行，so as to--so that
第三行，his studies--their study
第四行，quotidian--daily
第五行，he will also help me--and he also helps me, 还有最好不要提 I'm poor at math.
第二段My goal is to be one of the most outstanding transpersonal psychologists such as Ken wilber and Krishnamurti.
sacred job because it has been
suit me --suit for me
后面我认为你应该写一个更具体的例子来展现你的自信和优秀，老外很喜欢看故事的，让老外相信你相当有能力和非常适合去他那完成你的学习（老外认为学习一个东西，有相应的能力比态度更重要），缺点最好就不提了。
还有老外很讨厌主谓不一致这种低级语法错误，要多加小心。

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关于语法问题，我就不纠正了，那是小问题
给你说说明显的方面
首先，你的概括太不具体
像I’m a assiduous,accommodating and humorous girl
你自己概括得不算，要通过具体的事来体现
在这里，你可以换成你所奉行的理念或精神
而且，最主要的是介绍请你是谁，是什么性格长处，为什么出国，为什么选择这个学校，而不是别的<...

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关于语法问题，我就不纠正了，那是小问题
给你说说明显的方面
首先，你的概括太不具体
像I’m a assiduous,accommodating and humorous girl
你自己概括得不算，要通过具体的事来体现
在这里，你可以换成你所奉行的理念或精神
而且，最主要的是介绍请你是谁，是什么性格长处，为什么出国，为什么选择这个学校，而不是别的
此外，千万不要谦虚地说自己什么科学的差
I’m not intelligent enough
你可以说自己很努力。总能发现自己的不足
但不要下定意似的这样说
还有，你可以添加一些社会活动，以及兴趣爱好
还有你的学习现状，学过的课程
这片有点太短了！
写完后自己看一遍，看完以后脑海里要能浮现出这么一个活生生的人才行~
还有，除了语法错误，其他得不能让别人改，自己的文章要自己写，不然写出来空洞，千篇一律，一看就看出来不是自己写的了

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so as to ---in order to
his studies---their study
quotidian-daily
at maths--in maths
suit=---suit for
confident--confidence
hardwoking--work haed